Embrace Your Inner Goofball: How Being Silly Can Make You (and Others) Happier

When I was in my twenties, I was blessed to get to know my husband's fourth cousin, Muriel, who, at the time I met her, was ninety.  Muriel was one of the most interesting people I've ever had the pleasure of getting to know and though she has been gone thirty years, I still miss her.  She was a hoot!  

Muriel lived in New Orleans her entire life and had never married. During her college years, she'd traveled to Europe with her best friend...on a freighter.  Probably since there were so few passengers, as well as the fact that she and her friend were attractive young women, she and her bestie had often dined with the captain.  Honestly, I could sit and listen to Muriel for hours.  She never said anything you'd expect her to and the stories were always unique and interesting.

"That's nice," you might be thinking, "but what does this have to to with being a goofball and being happier?"

Simple, it was Muriel who first made me think about the way I was living my life, although it didn't fully "kick in" I guess you could say, until I was around forty-five or fifty.  Rather than complaining about old age, being alone, or being physically unable to do the things that she had done during her youth, Muriel found being ninety quite liberating.  She was always saying how she had done this, that, or the other because since she was ninety, it didn't matter what others thought of her anymore.  To her, old age was...freeing.  

Since it's been three decade since she passed, I can no longer remember many of the specifics of what she had done simply because she felt her age allowed it.  I do, however, remember the oddest thing, or what I felt like was the oddest at the time.  Muriel felt her doctor was quite handsome, and I believe she said he was in his early thirties, so one of the last times she'd seen him, she decided to announce her undying love for him!  (A comment which he apparently acted like he had not heard.)  

Now, I'm not saying you should pronounce your love for someone who is unlikely to be interested in you, but what I am saying is that, at least for me, if I worry too much about what others think, I miss out on harmless fun that might even bring joy to others.  

When I was a teen, like most people I imagine, I was extremely concerned about what people thought.  Through my twenties, thirties, and even a lot of my forties, I refrained from a lot of goofy stuff I wanted to do because I was worried about what others thought. All this changed though, as I approached fifty years of age.  Fifty isn't old.  Also, it's just a number. Nonetheless, I celebrate yet another anniversary of my twenty-seventh birthday each year.  But it occurred to me that I shouldn't wait until the ripe old age of ninety to do some of the silly stuff I would like to do, so I gave it a shot, and I would recommend that you do as well.

You might be wondering what it is that I do.  While I won't go through all of it because certain things are a surprise for someone later, I will tell you that I love to cosplay as characters portrayed by my favorite actor to whom I bear absolutely no physical resemblance, apart from both of us being part of the human race. Before you tell me this isn't weird because many people enjoy cosplaying, let me add that I don't only do this at events like Comicon. Nope, I do it around town and make videos that I post on Instagram because it's my hope that I can convince the actor that he needs to do a Comicon in my neck of the woods, or possibly even take a vacation with his family.

I thought for sure with the ridiculous costume I was wearing that I would get kicked out of a few places,  but I was pleasantly surprised.  Many people ignored me since I was careful not to be disruptive in any manner.  Others though, I could tell that I absolutely made their day, or maybe even their week!  They were thrilled to be in my video handing me (in full mask and costume) a beer or ice cream.  They eagerly participated and it was awesome to see how their faces light up, just because I was there acting like, well, a total goofball.

The same goes for attending K-pop concerts dressed like the band and exchanging things like handmade bracelets with other concert goes whilst waiting in line.  I really thought I'd be a freak doing this at my age, but everyone from those waiting queueing with me to the band members themselves (it was a small concert and my VIP ticket allowed me to meet the group) loved it.

So, I challenge you to embrace your inner goofball and bring joy to others.  Make their faces light up and have a better day yourself in the process!

Honoring Those Who Have Helped You

JW Wright and Myself
Spring 2025 Seminar
(Photo by Dorian Brownlee)

Honor. It’s an old concept and one you don’t hear much about these days. I’m not only talking about one’s personal honor, but also honoring others, something I think can often be overlooked in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. We pay for lessons here. We hire people to do something there. 

If we have kids but don’t homeschool, then we’re either paying private school tuition or our kids instructors are paid by government. (Yes, through taxes that we pay regardless of whether or not we have a kid attending, but I digress.)

Have you ever met someone  who went into teaching because the pay was so appealing? A jiu-jitsu instructor who found teaching so lucrative that he was into teaching because of the money?  I doubt it. I’m not saying it’s impossible you’ve encountered such people but I’d dare say they are few and far between, and what’s more, I’d be shocked if you found a good one who was in it  just for money. 

People who serve you, particularly those who go above and beyond, teaching you, helping you, encouraging you, deserve to be, and indeed should be, honored.

What does this mean and what does this have to do with the me? While the answer will undoubtedly be very different for each individual, my answer is simple.

I’ve been unbelievably blessed to be  taught, encouraged, and helped beyond all reasonable expectations in Gracie jiu-jitsu.  

I am not, nor am I likely to ever be, a world champion. I’m female, in my mid-fifties, and while I exercise a lot and have lost over 20 pounds, I’m still shaped more or less like a teddy bear.

Have I competed? Sure. Twice. I did it not so much because I wanted to, but to prove to myself that I could, since honestly, I was terrified to do so. And I did it! I got out there, and fought, hard. 

With My Training Partner at a Spring 2025 Seminar
(Photo by Dorian Brownlee)

Naturally, there aren’t many women my age, size, and rank who compete. If I traveled far and went to one of the largest competitions in the world, I could ‘probably’ find someone of that description to compete against. As it was, however, each time I’ve gone to a competition, which consists of several rounds, my opponents have been women my size, but 25 to 30 years younger than me. Of course jiu-jitsu is designed to use technique and leverage so that a smaller, weaker, slower opponent can still win, however, when we’re the same rank, well, let’s just say I competed and I did my best and I’m proud of myself for getting out there.

All that, however, is beside the point. The point is that I’ve had so much amazing instruction and help that is invaluable. People have given way above and beyond anything that could reasonably be expected, for no reason other than they just decided to be good to me! For this, I want to honor them.

What does this look like— honoring them? For me, it means making sure that they know that I’m working hard. For those who are near me it’s pretty easy because they see me at the gym, however, many of them are extremely far away, and I might see them every once in a while or in some cases never again. Some of them came into my life for a short period of time and made a huge impact. Others, I might get a chance to see once a year or less. 

Nonetheless I want them to know that I’m not squandering all the hard work and effort they exerted helping me.  These people are all unbelievably busy. They probably don’t have time to check up on what I’m doing. However, if they do, I make sure that I have an open Instagram account so they can look at what I’m doing and I post my jiu-jitsu updates somewhat regularly. 

Myself with Royler Gracie
December 2024 Seminar

They’re not updates that mention any sort of tangible progress, but they show my effort. I want to make sure that it's evident that I’m doing all I can with the knowledge and encouragement I’ve been given. I believe this is the best I can do to honor these people.

So I challenge you to honor those who have made your life better, and teach your children to do likewise. Make sure you look behind the obvious and take the extra time to let these people know how much what they do means to you. Don’t take it for granted. Take a moment to honor them. 

Steve Byers on Playing Williams Bradford in the Upcoming Lifetime Movie, "The Girl Who Survived: The Alina Thompson Story"

Steve Byers & Brielle Robillard (Screenshot from Lifetime's Official Trailer)

There’s a cautionary tale, a real-life story of a teenage girl who was taken in by, but survived an encounter with a serial killer, coming up on the Lifetime channel this Saturday, September 20, at 8/7c. The Girl Who Survived: The Alina Thompson Story is about a young woman’s experience during the eighties in California. 

Steve Byers, co-lead in the show which also features Sam Trammell, Ashley Jones, and Brielle Robillard, has generously agreed to tell us about his experiences on set and filming. 

Christina Williams: This isn’t your first time cast as a serial killer. What do you have to do to mentally prepare yourself to convincingly portray someone so evil? 

Steve Byers: This one is quite different as we were dealing with a true story and real families that had lost their loved ones. I had to talk with our Producers before we started as I wanted to make sure that the story was not glorifying Bradford in any way or justifying or drawing any doubt to his terrible crimes. He was a monster. I will never pretend that there is a different way to look at him. After that was established, it is really about trusting the script and information that is out there about the picture of the person we were trying to paint. 

CW: Unlike most, if not all of the other roles you’ve played, William Bradford was not a fictional character. Did playing a real person who did something so heinous impact your ability to get into character? 

SB: As I mentioned, knowing that we were creating something that was not putting his deeds or morals on any pedestal and knowing he could never do anything like this again, it was easier to get past that difficult concept. 

CW: Alina Thompson, the woman who lived through the traumatic events portrayed in the movie, was on set part of the time. Did you meet her, and if so, at what point in the filming was that? What was it like for you meeting her, knowing the individual you were portraying tried to murder her?

SB: I met Alina through Facetime initially. I was hoping to get her perspective on Bradford’s demeanor. She was very warm and helpful and beyond that, very brave. Yes, Alina ended up coming to set on multiple occasions and I was astounded by her fortitude and ability to recount some of these events without breaking down. Hopefully this story will be a warning/lesson for even one young person out there to rethink a decision that could ultimately lead to something like this ever happening again. 

CW: Did Alina watch you playing Williams Bradford, and knowing that, did it make it harder for you to stay in character? 

SB: She did but because of her strength and encouragement, it was actually easier to do knowing I had her blessing. 

CW: What do you do to decompress after filming really emotionally intense scenes? 

SB: Eat. 

Steve Byers (Photo from his IMDB Page)

CW: Is it harder to play a despicable individual than a kind one, and if it is, what makes it
so? 

SB: It’s been said before, however, if I’m staying true to the script and we have made sure there is not more damage being done,  my job is to act as best I can with what I’m given. 

CW: Brielle Robillard plays Alina  Thompson in the movie. Sam Trammell and Ashley Jones portray her parents. What was it like working with them?  Have you done projects with them in the past and if so, what were they?

SB: It was a lovely group to work with. Every department on this team worked incredibly hard and I would happily join them again. Brielle and I really bonded during this one and despite the dangerous relationship in the script, we had so many laughs behind the scenes. It definitely takes some of the edge off the subject matter when the offscreen relationships are fun and light. 

CW: What scene was most challenging for you? 

SB: The physical scenes where there is violence at the core are generally the toughest. I’ll leave that there. 

CW: You’ve been in a number of Lifetime movies such as Daddy’s Deadly Secret, Glass Houses, A Christmas Break, Pocket Dial Murder, Deadly Secrets by the Lake, and What Would You Kill For? Is the production process pretty much the same for all of these films, or does it vary wildly? If so, how? And if it was different for this movie, was that because The Alina Thompson Story is based on actual events? 

SB: The Production side of making movies is mostly budget based. Each project changes by virtue of who you’re working with and the amount of money they have to make the show. Money provides comforts and amenities that are more plentiful on some and not on others. The making of movies itself relies on the crew’s abilities and attitudes and ultimately the Director. In this case Michelle Ouellet was a calm and kind Captain of the ship we were sailing on. I’d 100% sail with her again. 

CW: Steve, thank you so much for taking time to share your experience with us. The film sounds like it’s going to send a very powerful cautionary message which, as you stated, will hopefully serve as a warning to young people, showing them potential dangers they might not otherwise have been alerted to. I can't wait to see it!

You can follow Steve Byers on Instagram at @thestevebyers and a trailer of the movie is available here. Join Steve's unofficial group of fans here.  Don’t miss it this Saturday, September 20 at 8/7c Lifetime! 

Dressing to the Nines…Just Because

Just because everyone else is wearing flip-flops and shorts and T-shirts, doesn't mean that I can't wear an evening gown if I want to! So I did.
At my house, once a week without fail, my husband and I go out. It's date night. Just the two of us. I had picked up a gorgeous evening gown at a yard sale for just $1. Of course when I bought this full length dress I was thinking, "Where am I going to wear this?" Really, who cares? It's gorgeous! Anyway, I got it home and if I had gone to 100 stores, I never would've been able to find something that fit me so well! It honestly looks like it's made for me. Date night rolled around. My husband and I don't generally go to fancy places or do very expensive things. I could go pretty much everywhere I want to go in a T-shirt and jeans with flip-flops and crocs. However, I wanted to good for my husband. So yes, you guessed it, I went to the $6 movie night wearing my full evening gown! Of course, my husband is eccentric too. He was wearing his kilt. Does it take some guts to do this? Sure it does. Is it a blast? Yes, it is! When I wear something like that or something else really fancy around for no good reason, I always have people tell me how they own something that's been hanging in their closet that they really wish they had somewhere to wear and usually I'm standing somewhere exciting..like Walmart or Dollar tree or our local movie theater when we're having this conversation and I am dressed up, but they are not. Overall, I have found that life is just more enjoyable when you're a little weird. I highly recommend it. Don't worry so much about standing out. If something is ethical, moral, not harmful, and a little bit of fun, go ahead and do it and bring some joy into someone else's life! There's no good reason not to be a little eccentric.

Dragon Party Decorations

Lately I've been folding origami dragons, both silver and green, whenever I have a little down time.  The great thing about origami is that it's not messy, not expensive, and you can do it when you have a little time between activities, such as a five-minute break between online classes that you teach.  (This is the case for me.)

To a fan of the mythical creatures, nothing says "Happy Birthday" like a flight of dragons ready to grace every table at a party.  Thus far I’ve made roughly 100 origami dragons to support the theme of an upcoming birthday party/pet food panty charity event. 

These are just a small part of the overall decorations, but I think they’re a nice touch and even better, they’re fun to make!

Party Like It's Dec 31